Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” – Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. – Frank Sinatra
An intelligent man is sometimes forced
to be drunk to spend time with his fools. – Ernest Hemingway
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. – Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure: hooking up with fat hairy girls. – Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink, and I
didn’t even have the decency to thank her. – W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of
drinking. I gave up reading. – Henny
Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. – Michelle Mastrolacasa
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? – Steven Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Soooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven! – Brian O’Rourke
You can’t be a real country unless you
have a beer and airline. It helps if
you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapon, but at the very
least you need a beer. – Frank Zappa
Beer is proof that God loves us and
wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin
Without question, the greatest
invention in the history of mankind is beer.
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel
does not go nearly as well with pizza. – Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that
everyone is a few drinks behind. – Humphrey Bogart
Give me a woman who loves beer and I
will conquer the world. – Kaiser Wilhelm
All right brain, I don’t like you and
you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with
beer. – Homer Simpson
Remember “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser. –
To some it’s a six-pack; to me it’s a support group.
Scotch – Because one doesn’t solve the world’s problems over white wine.