An epigram is only a
wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.
I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
I have no trouble with my
enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the
floors at night.
I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.
Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
So little time and so little to do.
Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you will find the real
tinsel underneath.
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that
the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.
A dollar saved is a quarter earned.
Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.
Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
I am no more humble than my talents require.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.'
I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
What the world needs is
more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.